Sunday, 10 April 2016

The Shadow Of Dark

Sometimes I ache to write. I wish I could breath down onto this paper and watch it come alive with everything that I'm trying to encapsulate into words. I think the words would sparkle. I think they'd dance around one another gleefully. But I think some of them would bleed. And maybe that's important. Sometimes I see blood dripping from my hands. And I wonder if it's always been there or if I'm only now noticing. I think it's always been there.

The truth is, I've grown accustomed to a certain kind of darkness. As hard as I try to frolic around this life swept up in a storm of radiance, and as natural as that may come, there is a shadow of dark that's always trailing behind. I no longer question this shadow nor do I condemn it. I won't say that I've embraced it but I certainly have come to understand it's presence in my life. In all the radiance I ignore it, but when that radiance begins to dwindle into a soft lustre, I can no longer defy it. And so I bow my head in a respectful greeting. In solitude do we try and make sense of the connection between us. Perhaps it's what forces me to hear the silence around me. That's when I remember that it is just Lulu and the Universe.

I'm not sure what the point of my life is. But I think the battle isn't to vanquish the darkness but to conquer it. To be in control of it. To use it in a way where it forces you to be more reflective of yourself. I'm not saying it should always be there either you know. But when it is, you should be the one in control. And eventually, everything this shadow teaches you, should you be willing to learn from it, will reflect into all the moments of radiance. And maybe then the shadow will fade out…only to linger somewhere rather than trail behind you.

I could write so much about this. I could talk so much about it. I should talk less in riddles. Maybe I'm afraid someone will understand. The Universe always understands. And that's what matters.

Presently, my struggles to be a good person continue. The need to be a kind, compassionate, sincere, and well intentioned human being continue. Once these qualities are achieved, I shall try for righteousness. Such a large word for such a small person.

All my love,

~Lulu xxo

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