Thursday, 3 April 2014

Absence Makes The Heart Fonder~

I asked you what you would change if you could change one thing about the world and you said "I would change the people". When you asked me the same question I said I would change the distance between land and sea. You thought about this for a moment and said "But absence makes the heart fonder". I think about this now.  I just want you to know that this isn't true for me. Your absence from my life didn't make my heart any fonder of you. You didn't have to leave. I already had a lifetime's worth of love in my heart for you and that love will never change. The fact though, is that sometimes it's still not enough to keep that person in your life forever. I would've never known this. These were the kind of truths that were never a part of my world. You know, still it's hard for me to accept them as truths instead of as mere glitches that made their way in. I miss the love I felt with you. It was wonderful. I wish I knew how you were. I wish I knew what you were doing. I always knew what you were doing. I wish we could've met one last time. Sometimes I don't let myself think about you. Sometimes days pass, weeks even. Sometimes I want to pretend like you didn't ever exist. But then I remember. That day when I got off the plane, I had hoped, really hoped, that I would get to meet you. I just wish we could talk. I wish I could tell you. So much has changed since you left. I want you to know though, that  even if I miss you I've accepted this. I've accepted you not being here anymore. I know that you're happy. I know this. I know that there were a lot of things that you wanted and you have all those things now. You used to tell me that it hurts you when I hurt and I want you to know that I'm okay and I'm happy. Your memories never leave me. Ten years before we met, that day when you added me, that day when you asked me if you could call me Gul, telling me I was your best sister, every December when you'd email telling me this was the year we should finally come down, and then finally we met again. I can't get myself to write down in words anything from that time on because it makes me feel like you're still here. But I hope you remember it all. I will never forget my friendship with you. You were a big part of my life and I want you to always be a big part of my life. Even if we're standing on opposite sides now. Mani I love you and I will wait until the day our worlds are one again.

May your troubles now forever neglect you,
Your rightful neighbours respect you,
The angels protect you,
And heaven accept you.


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