Life is wonderful. But then sometimes it's not so wonderful. What if all the perfect little details start to fade out into the background? Then it's just you and the universe. Hello universe.
I've been here long enough to know that this is both good and bad. Very bad. No one wants to be alone with the universe. All your thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams your sins and regrets your demons all swivelling around you while the gaze of the universe silently fixes itself upon you. Who to battle with, the self or the universe? But it can also be good. Good because it puts things in perspective, it enlightens you in a way you didn't know was possible. It connects you so you're no longer so one dimensional. It makes you acquiescent to the world because you're at peace. At peace with the universe to unfold the greater picture hidden to the naked eye. It makes you strong. It makes you kind. It makes you conscientious. It makes you mindful.
It makes you numb. Numb because you can't actually grasp the good. I am still trying to grasp the good between me and the universe, trying to hear the silence. Clearly this is a personal blog, I'm not sure why I even started it. I think it's because it makes me feel like every word I write is a secret I let out into the heavens and somehow it lands somewhere where God sees it. Then something happens but I just don't know what yet.
Anyways, part of me hopes no one will ever read this blog. I don't like to do anything that puts me in the spotlight. Like all the perfect little details, I too have faded into the background. So this blog is meant just for me. After all, it's lulu to the universe.
Stay happy world.