Saturday, 1 February 2014
Will I really though? I do hope so. When I was younger, I used to hate it when people said "time heals all wounds". Even back then I remember thinking, only love can truly heal all wounds. If a person has love in their life they can conquer the world. I don't mean love as an isolated event limited to romanticism but to have love in one's life as the very gene that links everyone and everything together. Love means kindness and understanding and acceptance, gratitude, warmth, sympathy. But perhaps most importantly, love means friendship. And that's what this post is really about. Truly I can say that the most beautiful thing God has created in this world is friendship. Not just friendship between two friends but friendship between husband and wife, between parent and child, between sisters, between cousins, between teacher and student, between the old and young, man and beast. It's so beautiful. My whole life I've searched for the perfect friendship. And my whole life I've lived vainly thinking I'd found it. In the past, I'd be shattered when a friendship didn't turn out to be as lovely as I had imagined it to be. It was beyond my understanding how a friend could be something other than what I had imagined them to be. If we hit an obstacle I assumed our ability as friends to overcome said obstacle would show how much we valued our friendship. I will always fight for my friends. But this has never in my life been a reciprocated feeling. An obstacle hit has always meant a departed friend. I now feel very compliant with this reality. Friendship is too wonderful of a thing to waste on those who do not appreciate it. Friendship will never become extinct nor will we ever outgrow it. If love is forever then friendship too is forever. Therefore I no longer fear an imperfect friendship because with every imperfection I feel somehow closer to that perfection.
I have many a times been told by my sister that I should care and love less, that I get attached too quickly, am too expressive. She may very well be right and as such I have tried incessantly to correct my attitude but alas to no avail. And so I have adopted the words of Jane Austen, "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature". I simply cannot change my nature no matter how many times it's proved destructive for me. I've come to the conclusion that the Universe recognizes all my past efforts, accepts me as I am and will someday remunerate me. No one's work goes unnoticed, no matter how lousy it is. Not even Lulu's.
Until next time world...
Friday, 31 January 2014
I could have just said dry hands but that wouldn't do justice to how I feel at the moment. Whenever I look down at my hands they seem to be staring back at me shrivelled and weather-beaten. They're not just dry, they're wizened. Do my hands have a life of their own? Aging faster than the rest of me? No matter how many times I moisturize them they still stare back at me with the same wrinkly expression. Oh well, in the grand sphere of things what does it matter. The bigger question is why am I dedicating a blog post to my wizened hands. I'm not sure. There is no reason really. Except that it led me to wonder why I would insist on labouring over something that never actually produces me any results. If I look back at the last ten years of my life nothing I predicted came true. In fact the complete opposite of most of my predictions happened. But for some reason I never took note until recently. I never stopped watering all the seeds I had planted. Is man doomed to forever live a life of oblivion? This is sad for me. How will I ever reach enlightenment. The truth is, those seeds are too precious to me. They all connected me with God in some way or another. Even if it's been ten years, I just don't have it in me to stop watering them. Do you understand? The Universe must I am sure of it. Well... maybe one day Lulu will fade out too. But then maybe she won't. Guess that's a risk I'll have to take.
May good things be always near. In hopes we lie, my dear.
Wednesday, 25 December 2013
Life is wonderful. But then sometimes it's not so wonderful. What if all the perfect little details start to fade out into the background? Then it's just you and the universe. Hello universe.
I've been here long enough to know that this is both good and bad. Very bad. No one wants to be alone with the universe. All your thoughts and ideas and hopes and dreams your sins and regrets your demons all swivelling around you while the gaze of the universe silently fixes itself upon you. Who to battle with, the self or the universe? But it can also be good. Good because it puts things in perspective, it enlightens you in a way you didn't know was possible. It connects you so you're no longer so one dimensional. It makes you acquiescent to the world because you're at peace. At peace with the universe to unfold the greater picture hidden to the naked eye. It makes you strong. It makes you kind. It makes you conscientious. It makes you mindful.
It makes you numb. Numb because you can't actually grasp the good. I am still trying to grasp the good between me and the universe, trying to hear the silence. Clearly this is a personal blog, I'm not sure why I even started it. I think it's because it makes me feel like every word I write is a secret I let out into the heavens and somehow it lands somewhere where God sees it. Then something happens but I just don't know what yet.
Anyways, part of me hopes no one will ever read this blog. I don't like to do anything that puts me in the spotlight. Like all the perfect little details, I too have faded into the background. So this blog is meant just for me. After all, it's lulu to the universe.
Stay happy world.